I Don' Wan' Go Back China

We are trying for an open, honest relationship with Hope concerning her past so that she can gradually be prepared for the difficult questions she will have in a few years. Therefore we mention China often and ask Hope if she remembers the time we spent in China together. We also look at pictures and some video with her, but have found that "Gotcha Day" video is troubling to her. Another thing that we have discovered is that all of Hope's memories of China are not fond memories.

This is to be expected, but we were surprised at the intensity of her feelings. At certain times, bedtime being one, Hope will get a worried look and in a woeful little voice say, "I don' wan' go back China." This just breaks our heart and we immediately reassure her that she will never have to go back to China. Apparently there is a fear in her little heart that she may be enjoying a temporary situation that will end with her being back in her old life.

We have planned to teach Hope about the culture and heritage of her homeland and help her be proud of her native land. As we come to realize some of the feelings that Hope is experiencing we have decided to back off a little on the talk about China, and ask the Lord for wisdom in this. It may be that children who were adopted as babies will not have these kind of issues but we suspect that any child that is adopted after two or more years in an orphanage might have similar feelings. Maybe if the child had been in a foster home there might be a difference.

Our job for now is to help Hope become secure enough in our love that all fear is banished and when the time is right we will reintroduce her to China.

There is no fear in love; but matured love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18



Hope at an outing at the Park

Happy girl

At the orphange we visited in Hefei

No heat in the orphanage, all bundled up.

Jewell,Becky, Hope, and I after the visit

Ronnie